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Snarky 150: Overall PPR Cheatsheet & Obnoxious Commentary

Chris Liss

Chris Liss is RotoWire's Managing Editor and Host of RotoWIre Fantasy Sports Today on Sirius XM radio.

This is an overall list for 12-team PPR leagues as of August 14, 2017. For rankings updated multiple times per day, click here.

Note: Rankings are real, but comments, some of which are offensive and in poor taste, are not meant to be taken seriously.

Warning: many, if not most, are stupid, though it can't be worse than last year's.

Rank Player Pos Team Comment
1 David Johnson RB AZ Let you down in Week 17
2 Le'Veon Bell RB PIT Holding out to avoid drug test
3 Antonio Brown WR PIT Profiting off Roethlisberger squandering last unconcussed brain cell
4 Odell Beckham WR NYG Massive "distraction" to Ben McAdoo's garbage offense.
5 Julio Jones WR ATL Limps around between plays like he's 80
6 A.J. Green WR CIN Reliably injured for your fantasy playoffs
7 Mike Evans WR TB Kelvin Benjamin with more volume
8 Devonta Freeman RB ATL Should have bought Super Bowl meltdown insurance instead
9 LeSean McCoy RB BUF Best days almost certainly behind him
10 Melvin Gordon RB SD Switched with Todd Gurley in "Freaky Friday" scenario
11 Michael Thomas WR NO Make sure you draft the right one
12 Jordy Nelson WR GB Deceptive Speed
13 Brandin Cooks WR NE What Walter White should have been named
14 Amari Cooper WR OAK Would it kill Derek Carr to get him a red zone target?
15 Jordan Howard RB CHI Facing 11-man fronts
16 Dez Bryant WR DAL Aghast at the collection of scrubs in Cowboys WR corps
17 Jay Ajayi RB MIA Already concussed
18 Doug Baldwin WR SEA Steve Smith without the mean streak
19 Ezekiel Elliott RB DAL Old school NFL criminal, ill-suited to modern-day scrutiny
20 T.Y. Hilton WR IND If Luck isn't healthy, T.Y. Econo Lodge
21 Terrelle Pryor WR WAS No longer the best QB on his team
22 Rob Gronkowski TE NE Maester Qyburn has him ready for 2017
23 DeMarco Murray RB TEN Overdue for ACL tear
24 Todd Gurley RB LAR Going down Trent Richardson career path
25 Christian McCaffrey RB CAR Deceptive Speed
26 Leonard Fournette RB JAC Should see 400 carries given the alternatives
27 Demaryius Thomas WR DEN Hoping for Trevor Siemian's evolution
28 DeAndre Hopkins WR HOU Upgrading to Savage
29 Carlos Hyde RB SF Career has been more Hyde than Jekyll
30 Allen Robinson WR JAC Played down to the level of his QB last year
31 Golden Tate WR DET Silver Tate at best
32 Davante Adams WR GB It's amazing what happens when you catch the ball
33 Tom Brady QB NE Making America Great Again
34 Travis Kelce TE KC Would it kill him to score a touchdown?
35 Isaiah Crowell RB CLE Prophet will book a loss at current ADP
36 Dalvin Cook RB MIN What Jesse Pinkman should have been named
37 Aaron Rodgers QB GB Proved there's never reason to run the ball
38 Alshon Jeffery WR CHI Injury-prone receiver on new team with bad QB
39 Ty Montgomery RB GB Injury prone WR posing as early-down RB
40 Jimmy Graham TE SEA Should have stuck with basketball
41 Martavis Bryant WR PIT Probably getting high with Lev Bell as I type this
42 Kelvin Benjamin WR CAR Poor man's Eddie Lacy
43 Jarvis Landry WR MIA Accused wife beater, more effective in PPR
44 Lamar Miller RB MIA As suited to NFL workload as average man off the street
45 Joe Mixon RB CIN Reminiscent of Ray Rice
46 Sammy Watkins WR LAR Demoted to the Rams
47 Emmanuel Sanders WR DEN Only on this list because Broncos WR depth is so thin
48 John Brown WR ARZ The Sheriff
49 Tyreek Hill WR KC Think Devin Hester/Cordarrelle Patterson
50 Spencer Ware RB KC Should have changed name to Spencer Where in second half
51 DeVante Parker WR MIA Perennially hyped disappointment rehabilitated by offseason coach-speak
52 Michael Crabtree WR OAK Richard Sherman was right
53 Willie Snead WR NO Even slower than Michael Thomas
54 Marshawn Lynch RB OAK Obviously he needed the money
55 Keenan Allen WR SD The Eggshell Plaintiff
56 Julian Edelman WR NE Punt returner, might see some time at safety again with Cooks around
57 Tyrell Williams WR SD Wasted No. 7 overall pick on Mike Williams speaks volumes
58 C.J. Anderson RB DEN Moderately reliable on the rare occasion he's healthy
59 Mark Ingram RB NO Despised by his coach
60 Adam Thielen WR MIN Deceptive Speed
61 Greg Olsen TE CAR See Kelce, Travis
62 Rob Kelley RB WAS Corpulent plodder
63 Jamison Crowder WR WAS Small and slow
64 Stefon Diggs WR MIN Call him if you need to bury a body
65 Jordan Reed TE WAS Makes Rob Gronkowski seem durable
66 DeSean Jackson WR TB WAS let him walk and didn't even bother alleging "gang ties"
67 Pierre Garcon WR SF Will soon be waiting tables if play doesn't improve
68 Larry Fitzgerald WR AZ And Gerald Fits Larry
69 Paul Perkins RB NYG A nutless monkey would be an upgrade over Rashad Jennings
70 Donte Moncrief WR IND If anything good were going to happen, it would have already
71 Duke Johnson RB CLE Demoted to slot receiver
72 Terrance West RB BAL Exhibit A that opportunity is necessary but not sufficient
73 Bilal Powell RB NYJ Slotted behind Matt Forte's decaying corpse
74 Tevin Coleman RB ATL Ideal skills for a backup
75 Danny Woodhead RB BAL Deceptive Speed
76 Hunter Henry TE SD Waiting for Antonio Gates to die
77 Drew Brees QB NO Milquetoast compiler in favorable environment
78 Jeremy Maclin WR BAL Runner-up to Kenny Britt in garbage passing-offense tourism
79 Corey Coleman WR CLE Had a better rookie year than Laquon Treadwell and Josh Doctson
80 Tyler Eifert TE CIN Makes Jordan Reed seem durable
81 Brandon Marshall WR NYG Sheldon Richardson won't be drafting him
82 Corey Davis WR TEN Already hurt
83 Cam Newton QB CAR Makes Russell Westbrook look tastefully dressed
84 Randall Cobb WR GB Never recovered from 2015 team recession
85 Rishard Matthews WR TEN Decker signing/Davis drafting not a vote of confidence
86 Mike Gillislee RB NE One fumble away from irrelevance
87 Derrick Henry RB TB Will take over the job the week after you're forced to drop him
88 Eric Decker WR TEN Deceptive Speed
89 Matt Forte RB NYJ Old warhorse on last legs, plying meager wares in wasteland
90 Kenny Britt WR CLE Crisscrossing the league one hellscape at a time
91 Darren McFadden RB DAL A nutless monkey could produce behind that O-line
92 Kyle Rudolph TE MIN Dink and dunk enabler for Sam Bradford
93 Zach Ertz TE PHI Only draft if your league counts Week 17
94 Jordan Matthews WR BUF Lost job to Nelson Agholor before getting dump-traded for peanuts
95 Ameer Abdullah RB DET Poor man's Jahvid Best
96 C.J. Prosise RB SEA Seattle offense could be more Prosise-oriented this year
97 Theo Riddick RB DET Enabler of Stafford's dink and dunk habit
98 Martellus Bennett TE GB Selfish player only willing to play with elite QB
99 Delanie Walker TE TEN Aging mediocrity no longer only target in town
100 Eddie Lacy RB GB Free from hypocrisy of losing weight for fat coach
101 Cameron Meredith WR CHI Overhyped scrub on bottom-of-the-barrel offense
102 Breshad Perriman WR BAL A nutless monkey with his size/speed would be a star by now
103 Kevin White WR CHI A nutless monkey would be in the Hall of Fame with his physical gifts
104 Eric Ebron TE DET Already injured again
105 Adrian Peterson RB NO Superhuman runner treats defenders like his children
106 Kareem Hunt RB KC Overhyped rookie on terrible offense
107 Russell Wilson QB SEA Should finally see action now that he's married
108 D'Onta Foreman RB HOU Someone has to get carries when Lamar Miller taps out
109 Thomas Rawls RB SEA Competing for early-down work with an offensive lineman
110 Marvin Jones WR DET Even Houdini envies Jones' disappearing act
111 Tyler Lockett WR SEA Poor man's Paul Richardson
112 Kirk Cousins QB WAS Despises his employer
113 Andrew Luck QB IND NFL's Stephen Strasburg
114 Mike Wallace WR BAL Whoever made him the NFL's highest paid WR should be executed
115 Jamaal Charles RB DEN Samuel Jackson in "Unbreakable" has better chance of staying healthy
116 Doug Martin RB TB Not worth the wait
117 Matt Ryan QB ATL Matty Water in the Super Bowl
118 Jack Doyle TE IND Random player getting unjustified hype based on situation
119 Giovani Bernard RB CIN Returning from November ACL tear to three-man committee
120 Marcus Mariota QB TEN Almost certain to get hurt
121 James White RB NE SB hero relegated to four-man committee
122 Ted Ginn WR NO DeSean Jackson if he lost his hands in an accident
123 Jameis Winston QB TB Should consider targeting someone other than Mike Evans
124 Josh Doctson WR WAS Headed down the Kevin White career path
125 Marqise Lee WR JAC Real man doesn't get carted off the field with minor injury
126 LeGarrette Blount RB PHI Journeyman plodder might miss Pats offense
127 Charles Sims RB TB A nutless monkey could win the TB job
128 Robert Woods WR LAR Provides nice downgrade for league's worst passing team
129 Latavius Murray RB MIN Cook pick shows Vikings true feelings on Murray signing - regret
130 Dak Prescott QB DAL One bad game, media will clamor for Romo
131 Andy Dalton QB CIN Treated like red-headed stepchild by ADP
132 Kenny Golladay WR DET Size and speed not needed in Lions dink-and-dunk scheme
133 Justin Tucker K BAL Real man not afraid to take kicker in the 12th
134 O.J. Howard TE TB Rookie TE getting drafted for no reason
135 Austin Hooper TE ATL Not necessarily good, but not a proven scrub
136 John Ross WR CIN Usain Bolt with bum shoulder
137 Philip Rivers QB LAC Overpopulation not high on list of concerns
138 Zay Jones WR BUF One of three Bills slot receivers
139 Devin Funchess WR CAR Has shown nothing that portends success to date
140 Tyrod Taylor QB BUF Wasn't expecting Watkins to play more than a few games anyway
141 Ben Roethlisberger QB PIT Maester Qyburn gave up on him
142 Coby Fleener TE NO Deceptive speed
143 C.J. Fiedorowicz TE HOU Deceptive speed
144 Derek Carr QB OAK Poor man's David Carr
145 Matthew Stafford QB DET One-time gunslinger now dink-and-dunk eunuch
146 Robby Anderson WR NYJ A nutless monkey could lead the Jets in receiving
147 Eli Manning QB NYG Career built on nepotism and fortuitous timing
148 Samaje Perine RB WAS All the hype faded after one preseason game
149 Julius Thomas TE MIA MIA is the perfect team for him - since 2014
150 Blake Bortles QB JAC No point shaver would make it that obvious