Rebound & Rant: All-In Keeper League Edition

Dear Reader,

Have you ever given our Fantasy NBA podcast a try? If you've ever heard one of my occasional Friday shows, you know I'm a tad obsessed with our RotoWire Staff NBA Auction Keeper League, which is hyper-competitive. Keeper leagues are tough – you need to decide early whether to go into "win now" mode or plan for the future.

I've been in the top three for most of the season. So recently I decided to go "ALL IN." That means you deal all your future assets to have the best possible roster RIGHT NOW. Our league has three-year player contracts, with salaries based on pre-season auction values and free agent claim values. Player values are a combination of production, salary and years left on their contract. But if you are ALL IN, you only care about current production. So, if I was a super model agent, I'd trade two up-and-coming teenage models for Sofia Vergara. It doesn't matter that Vergara is 43 years old 'cause she is making big bucks NOW. NOW is all I care about.

Things started slowly. With Al Jefferson ailing in Charlotte, Frank Kaminsky started to get more minutes. I dealt him and his rookie deal (did I mention we also have a "minors" reserve system for rookies and international players?) for the Polish Hammer, Marcin Gortat. Adios, Frank The Tank. Honestly, I initially made this trade so I could yell "POLISH HAMMER!" during SportsCenter. The Hammer is 31 years old and his contract expires at the end of this season. But I needed blocks and rebounds; the All In process had begun.

I have a simple theory about keeper leagues: decide early about going ALL IN. There is very little to debate. Be the first to make trade offers before the market gets "set." Sitting pat is very, very boring. And the worst thing you can do as an owner is finish fifth, just outside the money. Frankly, sixth through 10th is pretty awful too. Unlike the NBA, we fine teams in 11th and 12th, so as to avoid a 76ers like "Process." We do have SOME integrity, but not much.

But for the four readers still with me, let's get back to going ALL IN. The Hammer move was cute, but no one really noticed. My next move needed to be BIG. Just then, D.J. "Babyface" Trainor decided to go into "plan for the future" mode and posted he'd be willing to trade Kevin Durant and DeMarcus Cousins. This made sense, as Trainor had inherited a bad team and was mucking around eighth in the standings. I had to move fast: DJ works in our main office with the other guys while I work out of my home. D.J. was going to talk to other league members, so it was imperative that we get something done before others got involved.

My future assets were Will Barton (only $3 with 2+ years left on his contract) and Khris Middleton (only $5 and also 2+ years left). KD and Boogie are $46 and $37, respectively, and both have another year on their deals. I never thought it was realistic to get both, so I focused on KD. But DJ was also interested in my minor league contract for T.J. Warren. He offered KD, Boogie and DeMar DeRozan for Will "I LOVE YOU" Barton, Middleton and Warren. I almost wet myself. I then gained some composure and clicked "ACCEPT."

At this point, I was dangerously dreaming of our league trophy. It's pretty sweet, take a look at Shannon McDaily McKeown's Facebook post when he won last year:

Not bad, huh?

After the six-player mega deal, I got some love/hate emails from the other owners. My favorite message was from second-place James Westcoast Kid Anderson :

I both admire and loathe the trade you just made. Now I have owners trying to put my feet to the fire, thinking that I'll view this as an arms race. So much for being productive this morning...

Then, this morning, the inconceivable happened: our last place team offered me LeBron James ($48, 2+ years left) for The Rooster Danilo Gallinari ($9, 1+ year left) and Gerald Green ($3, 2+ years left). My first thought was "is LeBron injured?" But the other owner was merely planning for next year, which is what you do when you are in last. So even though I've doomed my squad to a terrible 2016/17 season, who cares? I made that trade, baby! And I'd do it again!

If you are going to fail, fail spectacularly. I'm 46 years old – sooner or later I'll realize grown men don't spend this much time on fantasy sports. But until then, I'm going to wheel and deal. I hope this unlikely tale has inspired you to also make bold trades. And keep your fingers crossed that me and that trophy get to make sweet, sweet love soon!