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NFL Notes

Eli Manning completed 68.9 percent of his passes for 349 yards with a 2:0 TD:INT ratio Sunday, and while it came against a suspect secondary that was dealing with injuries, the numbers could have been much bigger had the Giants not suffered numerous drops on perfectly thrown passes (Hakeem Nicks and Jake Ballard were the two biggest culprits). Manning has thrown 58 touchdowns over the past two years and is currently getting 8.8 YPA, which ranks second only to Aaron Rodgers this season all while playing outdoors. He's been highly impressive…Reggie Bush eclipsed 100 yards rushing for just the second time in his entire career (and his first since his rookie season)…The Dolphins have now lost 10 straight games. You know something is wrong when Steve Slaton is being used as your primary goal-line back…If Hakeem Nicks is forced to miss time with his hamstring injury, both Mario Manningham and Victor Cruz would be must-starts, with each possessing top-15 WR type fantasy upside.

This "Walker Texas Ranger" clip left me speechless.

Arian Foster had to fight hard for his yards against a solid Jags defense, but make no mistake, he's back to who he was last year and is no one-hit wonder. It's a terrific system in Houston (Ben Tate would be a top-7ish fantasy back if Foster were to go down, although his fumbling has become a real problem), but Foster is truly talented in his own right. Unless you're Barry Sanders or Adrian Peterson, it's comical to take a RB in the first few rounds in the NFL Draft…After scoring 10 touchdowns last season, Marcedes Lewis has zero through seven games this year…After recovering a fumble in the second quarter, not one but two laterals were executed by Jacksonville offensive linemen. "Pot Roast!" Rich Gannon proceeded to say they practice that scenario. I call BS.

I know they recently made a horrible comedy loosely based on this, but it's so much better than that, as this is easily one of the craziest crime stories I've ever read.

I can't say I expected the Ravens to be down so big so early at home against a league doormat after getting embarrassed in primetime the previous week. If you backed St. Louis and Arizona against the spread, you were up a combined 62 points at halftime…Pretty impressed by Beanie Wells carrying the ball 22 times for 83 yards and a touchdown while dealing with a knee injury against such a tough defense that had allowed the second fewest fantasy points to opposing running backs entering Sunday but also discouraged he later admitted it's a problem that will be season long. The injury clearly limited his explosion…After scoring just one touchdown since Week 2, Ray Rice owners had to be happy with his three scores from the goal-line Sunday, making up for an otherwise disappointing effort in such a plus matchup…In a tie game with 48 seconds left and with Baltimore having the ball at Arizona's 5-yard line, how do the Cardinals not let the Ravens score when they actually attempted to do so by handing off to Rice? Of course, they started kneeling right afterward.

Man claims prostitute turned into donkey. If only I had a nickel for every time that happened to me.

The Saints/Rams game was a good recent example of how open-minded we must all be when examining the NFL. The spread was insane – essentially it meant New Orleans would have been nearly three touchdown favorites at home…Where did that come from, Steven Jackson?...It doesn't matter who lines up, the Saints simply struggle to run the ball. There's little to no correlation with a strong passing attack and run blocking…Drew Brees has now thrown 32 interceptions over his past 22 games.

Saw Louis CK live last week, which was predictably awesome. He was fantastic. I couldn't recommend seeing him in person enough. However, the show just so happened to land on the same night as Game 6 of the World Series, so I missed a lot of what turned out to be essentially the craziest sporting event of all time. Great postseason in general. Great World Series too. And this wager wasn't too bad either.

Adrian Peterson's touchdown run was one of the most impressive of the season so far. What a true difference maker from a position that usually doesn't matter. And after looking like Michael Turner as a receiver throughout 2011, his fantasy owners have to be most excited about his five catches for 76 yards (and a TD). AP had three receiving yards combined over his past four contests, and this didn't come out of nowhere, as the coach speak of getting him more involved in the passing game this past week was apparently no joke…While I will give the caveat I don't watch a ton of college football (although how good was Saturday night's game between Stanford and USC?! Down seven points with less than a minute left, pretty crazy the Cardinal ended up covering a 7.5-point spread), I fully expected Cam Newton to be a bust at the NFL level, so I want to issue a formal apology. Guy is beyond legit…I picked Carolina as my "best bet" this week, so I can't say I was happy to see Olindo Mare miss a 31-yard field goal at the buzzer (the first miss by a Minnesota opponent all year). Shankapotomus.

The best statistics question ever.

After yet another hugely disappointing performance at home against an Indy defense that entered having allowed the most fantasy points to opposing running backs, Chris Johnson's value is at an all-time low. Javon Ringer took over backfield duties in the fourth quarter. I really can't remember something like this happening to such an established player in his prime and healthy at the running back position. Selling low may be more advisable than buying low at this point…Curtis Painter had as many rushing yards (79) as the rest of the Colts combined Sunday…Most argued the Colts wouldn't skip a beat without Peyton Manning, but I stand by my original position that it would hurt them greatly…Down 20 points midway through the third quarter, Jim Caldwell actually attempted a field goal from Tennessee's 5-yard line. Truly hilarious.

This article about capturing Bin Laden is a bit old and lengthy but also well worth your time to read.

Matty "icepack" Stafford shook off his injuries and was impressive in Week 8, getting 8.9 YPA with a 3:0 TD:INT ratio. Maurice Morris actually scored from the 1-yard line, but that was more exception than rule, and the team's glaring lack of rushing ability, especially from inside the 10, really is a boon to Stafford's fantasy value…I overrated Demaryius Thomas' targets last week. No Broncos receiver is likely to be even close to a consistent fantasy option moving forward with Tim Tebow at QB…I wouldn't give up on Tebow in fantasy terms, but wow has he been terrible. During the Sunday night pregame show on NBC, Rodney Harrison defended him by saying how Denver's offensive line allowed so many sacks, which was laughable and revealed a shockingly (well, more like mildly surprising) low football IQ for a former player. This is the same O-line that allowed four sacks over Kyle Orton's last four games, after all. Tebow has taken 13 over his two starts. To not give him responsibility is a joke…Calvin Johnson has the most receiving touchdowns through eight games than any player since the merger.

I guess I'd be remiss if I didn't pass along this video about how we are supposedly going to be living in the future.

Fred Jackson will battle Cam Newton as this year's best fantasy pick, as the former continues to impress. As someone who will be approaching 32 years old entering next season, he'll be one of the most interesting players to rank…John Beck has appeared in eight games during his career and has thrown for two touchdowns while committing 12 turnovers (although in fairness, he has run in three scores)…I'd love to call Ryan Torain a buy-low candidate, but two of his next three opponents (SF and DAL) rank as top-five defenses when it comes to allowing fantasy points to opposing running backs this season…The Bills entered Sunday with an NFL-low four sacks on the season. They recorded nine against a Redskins offense that increasingly looks like one of the worst in football.

This is actually really intense
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I get that USC was a sinking ship and he knew it, at least lawfully, but long-term, it's pretty clear Pete Carroll made a poor decision to leave for Seattle (although no one can blame him financially)…Pacman Jones' first play of the 2011 season resulted in a 63-yard punt return. Naturally, he was injured on the play and never returned…Can someone explain to me why if Tarvaris Jackson was capable of playing, why he didn't start over Charlie Whitehurst?...Before calling a run play on 4th-and-2 from the 3-yard line (that picked up a first down yet didn't score) with 14 seconds left in the first half, the Seahawks called their final timeout. You can't make this stuff up. Then again, this is the same team that punted on 4th-and-4 from the Bengals' 36, netting 16 yards in the process…The Bengals have scored a defensive touchdown with less than 2:30 minutes left in each of their past three games. And if you factor in Sunday's punt return, their fantasy defense has scored a total of four TDs with less than 3:30 left in each of their past three contests.

Florida trooper pulls over Miami officer for going 120 mph.

While I've killed the recent running back contracts of DeAngelo Williams and Chris Johnson, it's at least worth pointing out it's worked out for the 49ers, who somehow find themselves contenders thanks to a strong defense and special teams, with Frank Gore being the centerpiece of an otherwise ordinary offense. Gore isn't the biggest, strongest, quickest or fastest back in the league, but his patience and vision make him one of the NFL's elite at the position, although his shelf life is on an egg timer…Cleveland has scored a total of three points in the first quarter this season…San Francisco completed a pass to both an offensive and defensive tackle Sunday…The Browns punted down 14 points on 4-and-2 from the 49ers' 39-yard line…Rookie Aldon Smith's seven sacks are tied for the sixth-most in the NFL, and he's done so while only playing 232 snaps. For perspective, DeMarcus Ware has played 438 snaps this year. 

This plane carrying 230 passengers had to land without any wheels.

I'm beginning to think Chad Ochocinco isn't going to make an impact in New England…I wasn't aware Kevin Faulk was alive, let alone still in the league. Dude is 35 and averaged 5.3 YPC against a defense that otherwise dominated in his first game since Week 2 in 2010…Patrick Chung is going to be an IDP stud…I like Antonio Brown, and it was great to see him get 15 looks, but his 4.5 yards-per-target mark left a whole lot to be desired. Still, he actually has six more targets than Mike Wallace this season…Rashard Mendenhall isn't Chris Johnson status, but he's not that far off when it comes to healthy busts this season.

Huge silicone breast saves woman from knife attack.

So that's what the Eagles are capable of. I must say, I didn't see that total annihilation coming…How does Laurent Robinson finish with more yards than Miles Austin, Dez Bryant and Jason Witten combined?...Don't let the game situation fool you, DeMarco Murray impressed again. He really should be given the opportunity to act as the team's lead back even after Felix Jones returns…The injury to Sean Lee could prove significant for the Cowboys…Especially for someone who doesn't dominate goal-line carries, pretty remarkable LeSean McCoy has scored in every game this season. He's on pace to finish with 23 touchdowns.

This guy was unhappy with how his toe to hand transplant surgery went.

This guy drove his Honda Accord one million miles

Only the Chargers could lose a game in such a way. Maybe Philip Rivers had money on San Diego, because his fumbled snap was the best (only?) way they could cover the spread at that point…First, Kansas City made the mistake of not using its timeouts before the two minute warning when the Chargers were just running out the clock in the fourth quarter, then San Diego returned the favor by calling one when the Chiefs appeared content to just go into overtime, nearly giving KC the chance at a last second FG. A comedy of errors…Marcus McNeill committed six penalties and allowed a sack Monday – not his best game…Jonathan Baldwin looked pretty good, as he's going to be a weapon with his size. Steve Breaston no longer looks usable in fantasy leagues…Ryan Mathews is not only in a terrific situation, but I maintain he's a very good back in his own right. Having said that, he's officially one of the more brittle players in football. I'm pretty discouraged at this point.

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