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The Nightcap: Friday's Games (Shock and|FRONTS|or Awe Edition)

What follows was written by a computer.

An incredibly handsome computer with an Italian surname.

Notables

Jason Heyward entered play today with this batting line: .276/.392/.553. Also, he went 3-for-4 today with a double and a homer and a walk. Here's what my Southern aunt would say about that: "Shoo-oot!" #CrackBaseballAnalysis

Shin-Soo Choo jacked a couple dongers en route to a 3-for-4 performance.

Cole Hamels kinda brought it tonight: 7 IP, 8 K, 1 BB.

• In addition to being among the league's leaders in beard-having, Jayson Werth is also pretty good at playing baseball. For example, he went 2-for-4 today with his ninth homer.

Hisanori Takahashi, which name you're invited to say five times fast, made his fist ML start. He recorded 5 K and only 1 BB in 6 IP, allowing no runs.

Jose Guillen hit his 10th and 11th homers tonight while going 2-for-2 with a walk at Colorado. Luckily, the fact that I'm speechless doesn't impair my ability to compose the present document.

Felipe Lopez hit a triple and home run today while playing short and batting leadoff. Here's how much he's making this season: about $1 million.

Brandon Morrow is perhaps one of the few pitchers in the majors who could tell a batter, "I'm about to throw a slider," and the batter STILL wouldn't hit it. That's not to say he's a great pitcher – he's not, yet – but he certainly has STUFF.

Dan Haren, pitching in the same game as Morrow, had 8 Ks and 0 BBs in 8 IP. Curiously, he have up 4 HRs. That's alot – probably more than he'll give up in any one game for two years or whatever. Also, they were all of the solo variety.

Edwin Encarnacion had 3 HRs today. Like Davy Jones of The Monkees, I too am a believer.

• Someone named Mike Sweeney went 4-for-6 with 2 HRs and 6 RBIs for the Seattle Mariners tonight. Is this a rookie or something? Because, I mean, I know for a fact that it can't be the guy who used to play for Kansas City. No way he could still be around!

Cliff Lee allowed 25 balls in play tonight and 11 of them went for hits. That's bad luck. What's NOT bad luck is how he had 7 Ks and 0 BBs. Lee's K:BB now for the season is 32:1. Ooosh.

Caution, Warning

Tim Hudson's performance tonight is a microcosm of his season. Tonight, he allowed 0 R and 3 H over 8 IP, but only recorded a 3:4 K:BB. For the season, he now has an impressive 2.09 ERA in 60.1 IP, but his xFIP entering play was 4.41. His over 60|PERCENT| groundball rate will keep him from failing too hard, but sriking out only four per nine is no good.

• I think Javier Vazquez is a legitimately good pitcher. And today he pitched like it, posting a line of 6 IP, 6 K, 2 BB, and only a single hit. Here's the thing: his Yankee tenure – both this one and the last one – are effed. That's right, I said it: effed!

• A tweet from Friend of RotoWire, Jonah Keri: #Astros lineup's OBPs: .366 .326 .333 .239 .263 .241 .255 .059

• Dave Bush allowed 7 ER in 0.1 IP. If I could make a frowny face emoticon with this keyboard, I'd do it right now.

Joel Pineiro had a bad night. Not only did he gave up 9 H and 9 ER in 3 IP; he also gave up a grand slam – to Brad Penny.

• Yes, Austin Jackson went 2-for-4 tonight. But he also struck out two more times, meaning he was 2-for-2 in balls in play. Trading him now is one of the good ideas you've had.

Stolen Bases

Elvis Andrus (16 & 17), Michael Bourn (15), Rajai Davis (14), Carl Crawford (11), Drew Stubbs (9), Ben Zobrist (9), Shane Victorino (8), Joey Votto (5 & 6), Torii Hunter (5), Corey Patterson (3), Michael Young (2).

Caught Stealing

Brandon Phillips (5), Ryan Ludwick (3), Corey Patterson (1), Alex Cora (1), Coco Crisp (1), Mark Reynolds (1), Ben Zobrist (1).

Save Chances

Francisco Cordero, converted. He got a K in one inning with the Reds up 7-4.

J.C. Romero, converted. Romero got pinch-hitter David Ortiz to fly out deep to center with the bases loaded and Philly up 5-1.

Alfredo Simon, converted. Allowed a hit. Uneventful otherwise.

Mariano Rivera, converted. That said, he gave up the Mets' only run of the night.

Neftali Feliz, converted. No Ks; no nothing else, either. He's got a 23:4 K:BB. Booyah!

Matt Lindstrom, converted. That's his 10th save, people. Also, he had a 3.10 xFIP entering play today. Yeah, it's only 18.1 IP, but waddaya want from me?!?

Chad Qualls, converted. He only pitched 0.1 IP. Big whoop.

Jonathan Broxton, converted. With 3 Ks. He kinda looks like one of the big kids playing with the kindergarteners.

Other Closer Outings

Kerry Wood pitched the ninth inning with the Indians down 4-6, allowing a homer. Also recorded 2 Ks.

Non-Closer Outing

Carlos Zambrano both (a) pumped his fists a whole bunch and (b) pitched 1.1 IP of scoreless relief.

Sergio Santos has another 2 Ks tonight in a single inning. Try not to cheer for him: I dare ye!

Juan Gutierrez gave up 2 HRs in 0.2 IP. That's NOT an awesome ratio.

Lineup-ology

Eric Hinske started in left field and batted sixth for the Brave tonight. He has 9 GS since May 11. Melky Cabrera only has 1 GS over that same span.

Trevor Crowe batted leadoff and started in center for the recently disabled Grady Sizemore.

Jimmy Rollins left Friday's game against the Red Sox with a mild right calf strain and is listed as day-to-day. He was replaced by Juan Castro.

• The Mets batted Alex Cora second today because they hate lineup optimization.

Coco Crisp is batting .667 this year – because he went 2-for-3 tonight in his first game of the season. The A's featured an outfield of (left to right) Rajai Davis, Crisp, and Ryan Sweeney. Wowsh.

Ronnie Belliard played first base and batted second tonight. This is very likely because the Dodgers were facing a lefty.

The Young and Potentially Restless

Drew Storen pitched an inning in relief – his third MLB apperance – and allowed 1 R on 1 H and 1 BB while recording 1 K. In other news, his favorite food is from Pizzeria Uno.

Kevin Russo got his first start and first major league hit today, playing left field for the New York Yankees. Also, he hit a double. Also, apparently he's not from the TV show Blossom. Who knew?!?

John Jaso had two more walks while playing catcher for the Rays today. That's now 14 in 57 ABs versus only 6 Ks.

• Minnesota Twin Trevor Plouffe made his MLB debut tonight, starting at shortstop versus Milwaukee. He was batting .303/.367/.493 at Triple-A Rochester and went 2-for-5 tonight with a doub-piece.