Snarky 150: PPR Rankings with Obnoxious Commentary
Snarky 150: PPR Rankings with Obnoxious Commentary
This is an overall list for 12-team PPR leagues as of August 15, 2018. For rankings updated multiple times per day, click here.

Note: Rankings are real, but comments, some of which are offensive and in poor taste, are not meant to be taken seriously.

Warning: many, if not most, are stupid, though it can't be worse than last year's.

RankPlayerPosTeamComment
1Todd GurleyRBLARMid-game Jeff Fisher flashbacks pose added risk
2Le'Veon BellRBPITSlated for 400 carries/whatever it takes to kill him and long-term deal demands
3David JohnsonRBARZLiterally worst ROI in FF history at 1.1 last year
4Antonio BrownWRPITSecond best wideout on his team, injured for FF playoffs
5Saquon BarkleyRBNYGFloor better be the ionosphere because Giants still stuck with Eli
6Ezekiel ElliottRBDALNot expected to be suspended or jailed this season
7Kareem HuntRBKCTends to disappear for five-game stretches
8Alvin KamaraRBNOThink peak Danny Woodhead after regression hits
9Odell BeckhamWRNYGPretty sure that was cocaine in the video
10Leonard FournetteRBJACGoing down Trent Richardson career path
11Melvin GordonRBLACAverage back being fed big workload for God knows what reason
12DeAndre HopkinsWRHOUSluggish target hog, should benefit from less barbaric QB play
13Julio JonesWRATLLuckily world peace doesn't depend on him catching a TD
14Michael ThomasWRNOPoor man's Marques Colston
15Keenan AllenWRLACLock for IR by midseason
16Davante AdamsWRGBHappy they got rid of Jordy Nelson's rotting carcass
17A.J. GreenWRCINPoor man's Julio Jones
18Dalvin CookRBMINHoping to enjoy Week 5 this year
19T.Y. HiltonWRINDT.Y. Ramada Inn
20Christian McCaffreyRBCARSlated for 480 touches this year according to his coach
21Mike EvansWRTBBig, slow and useless
22Amari CooperWROAKEven Houdini was awed by Cooper's 2017
23Devonta FreemanRBATLDoesn't remember the last two seasons
24Jarvis LandryWRCLEGreat at catching the two-yard pass
25Juju Smith-SchusterWRPITIf he does poorly, the Steelers can be said to have bad Juju
26Adam ThielenWRMINCould eventually sign with the Patriots
27Rob GronkowskiTENEUnlike prior NE tight ends, draws the line at concussing people
28Jordan HowardRBCHIThe average left tackle has better hands
29Demaryius ThomasWRDENGlad to be playing with a more evolved QB this year
30Tyreek HillWRKCOnly runs one route at one speed
31Allen RobinsonWRCHIBeen almost as long as Josh Gordon since he did anything
32Golden TateWRDETWorried Bitcoin Tate will take his job
33Travis KelceTEKCHas the impulse control of a five-year old
34Doug BaldwinWRSEAAlready hurt
35Joe MixonRBCINPoor man's Gio Bernard
36Stefon DiggsWRMINthe last play of the Saints playoff game more than the NFC title game
37LeSean McCoyRBBUFDownside is Rae Carruth
38Marvin JonesWRDETPoor man's Kenny Golladay
39Jerick McKinnonRBSFSo much worse than he should be
40Kenyan DrakeRBMIAPlaying time/role in hands of a sociopath
41Mark IngramRBNORoid use shows commitment to excellence
42Zach ErtzTEPHIDeceptive speed
43Marquise GoodwinWRSFNo team knows less about its receivers than the Bills
44Alex CollinsRBBALYet another reminder how poorly the Seahawks evaluate RB talent
45Jay AjayiRBPHIEven if he were Jim Brown, Eagles would spread carries around
46Larry FitzgeraldWRARIAnd Gerald Fits Larry
47Brandin CooksWRLARon a lot of different stoves as he traverses the league
48Derrick HenryRBTENOne and a half down back
49Alshon JefferyWRPHI15-foot wing span useless when you can't lift arms above shoulders
50Chris HoganWRNEFiling in at white receiver until Julian Edelman gets back
51Aaron RodgersQBGBPrime totally squandered under McCarthy
52Greg OlsenTECARShould have retired
53Josh GordonWRCLEPlaying for the Browns while sober is daunting indeed
54Robby AndersonWRNYJBig upside if he stays out of jail
55Robert WoodsWRLARTeam so pleased with Woods it signed Brandin Cooks to a long-term deal
56Tarik CohenRBCHIWorld's fastest person with that last name
57Corey DavisWRTENNo. 5 overall was a serious reach
58Dion LewisRBTENGreat choice for the two games in which he's healthy
59Sammy WatkinsWRKCMaybe the Chiefs will actually use him
60Ronald Jones IIRBTBPoor man's Ronald Jones I
61Emmanuel SandersWRDENAmazed the Broncos haven't developed his replacement yet
62Royce FreemanRBDENRandom rookie to whom Brad Evans is irrationally attached
63Evan EngramTENYGHad entire offense to himself last year, barely produced
64Pierre GarconWRSFCould be waiting tables soon if he struggles
65Marqise LeeWRJAXDoesn't agree that "u" always follows "q"
66Nelson AgholorWRPHIAnother mouth to feed in annoyingly diverse offense
67Jimmy GrahamTEGBBad hands, no burst, visiting with Dr. Rodgers
68Deshaun WatsonQBHOUReturns from torn ACL behind league's worst O-line. What could go wrong?
69Russell WilsonQBSEARuns for his life on every play
70Marshawn LynchRBOAKToo old school for Jon Gruden
71Cam NewtonQBCARDespised by Kelvin Benjamin
72Cooper KuppWRLARNoticed Patriots scouts following him around
73Will FullerWRHOUUnlikely to catch TD per quarter this year
74Isaiah CrowellRBNYJAlready concussed
75Michael CrabtreeWRBALRichard Sherman was right
76Delanie WalkerTETENOld and short
77Jamison CrowderWRWASSmall, slow and unreliable
78Tom BradyQBNEPoor man's Jimmy G
79Lamar MillerRBHOUNo
80Aaron JonesRBGBFollowing Le'Veon Bell career path
81Sony MichelRBNEShould have gone with a Samsung
82Rashaad PennyRBSEAPenny wise pound foolish
83Chris CarsonRBSEAExists only for the Seahawks to self-troll their 2018 draft
84D.J. MooreWRCARIf he beats up a cornerback, he could be the next Steve Smith
85Devin FunchessWRCARPoor man's Kelvin Benjamin
86Devontae BookerRBDENLooking forward to legalized sports betting
87Kelvin BenjaminWRBUFShould qualify at tight end
88Julian EdelmanWRNENo one more willing to play concussed or roided
89Anthony MillerWRCHIRookie receivers are only useful in 2014
90Duke JohnsonRBCLEDoesn't leave the locker room before third down
91Tevin ColemanRBATLValue depends on another man getting concussed
92Kenny StillsWRMIACan always go into photography if the NFL doesn't work out
93Jamaal WilliamsRBGBPerfect on team that can't evaluate talent
94Trey BurtonTECHITrendy sleeper with one good game in four years
95Rex BurkheadRBNEEnjoy drafting him and having no idea when or how he'll be used
96Kenny GolladayWRDETKilo-tron
97Chris ThompsonRBWASSee Lewis, Dion
98Nick ChubbRBCLEProne to weight gain
99Carson WentzQBPHISystem QB
100Peyton BarberRBTBMaking those who pay sticker for Ronald Jones take a haircut
101Kerryon JohnsonRBDETCarry on drafting useful players instead
102Marlon MackRBINDAlready hurt
103Randall CobbWRGBShell of his former self
104Josh DoctsonWRWASFollowing the DeVante Parker career path
105Chris GodwinWRTBAccording to Hitler's law: as soon as Godwin is picked, the draft is over
106Carlos HydeRBCLEDr. Jekyll and Mr. Chubb
107Calvin RidleyWRATLPoor man's Mohamed Sanu
108John RossWRCINFavorite to win any race - especially if the finish line is IR
109Martavis BryantWROAKDGAF about the playbook. Throw it deep.
110Allen HurnsWRDALSomeone has to catch conservative throws from Dak Prescott
111Sterling ShepardWRNYGGood at tending sheep
112Jimmy GaroppoloQBSFBrushed up on skills with professional help
113DeSean JacksonWRTBTalent wasted in moronic offense
114DeVante ParkerWRMIANFL's Byron Buxton
115Jordy NelsonWROAKIf he doesn't stick in Oakland, surely he can latch on in New England
116Tyler LockettWRSEASpecial teams ace forced to run routes due to lack of depth
117Bilal PowellRBNYJSomeone's got to suit up during the preseason
118Theo RiddickRBDETSee Johnson, Duke
119Jared GoffQBLARFormed Jeff Fisher survivor group with Case Keenum and Nick Foles
120Drew BreesQBNOExcellent at handing off last year
121Jordan WilkinsRBINDRandom scrub with a chance to win role
122Kirk CousinsQBMINPoor man's Case Keenum
123Matthew StaffordQBDETSemi-competent compiler
124O.J. HowardTETBForced to block because Cameron Brate got paid
125Andrew LuckQBINDMonth 20 is when the healing really kicks in
126Mike WilliamsWRLACIncreasingly unclear why the Chargers used a top-10 pick on him
127LeGarrette BlountRBDETWill punch you in the mouth
128Kyle RudolphTEMINRefuses to work outside of red zone
129Patrick MahomesQBKCDan McGwire had arm strength too
130Rishard MatthewsWRTENTop-secret ailment
131Cameron MeredithWRNOOne of many sleepers who didn't wake up
132Michael GallupWRDALMichael Canter, based on 40 time
133Giovani BernardRBCINProductive on the rare occasion he's healthy
134Philip RiversQBLACWorst stats to wins ratio in NFL history (edging out Tony Romo due to longevity)
135Ben RoethlisbergerQBPITWhy retire when the damage is already done?
136Jack DoyleTEINDPoor man's Gary Barnidge
137C.J. AndersonRBCARExists only to destroy Christian McCaffrey's value
138Corey ColemanWRBUFDealt for peanuts the day his replacement was arrested
139Jordan ReedTEWASBump up if he gets a prosthetic foot
140Eric EbronTEINDWas destined for big things but dropped the ball
141Dak PrescottQBDALProved surprising rookie year was a fluke
142Cameron BrateTETBBiggest virtues are inability to block and exorbitant contract
143Matt RyanQBATLAfter one-year aberration, back to Vanilla Ice
144Alex SmithQBWASNo longer terrified to take a chance
145Samaje PerineRBWASWhat you get when you combine pee and urine
146David NjokuTECLESeriously
147Marcus MariotaQBTENPoor man's Vince Young
148George KittleTESFGeorge Brittle
149Latavius MurrayRBMIN"Latavius" is Latin for vulture.
150Mohamed SanuWRATLHas the upside of a dead rodent

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Chris Liss
Chris Liss is RotoWire's Managing Editor and Host of RotoWIre Fantasy Sports Today on Sirius XM radio.
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